Week one Radiation down- 6 more to go

I didn't expect the radiation tiredness to kick in so soon, actually I didn't know what to expect.  It is tough knowing if it is the radiation, surgery or both.  My lymphedema is definitely getting worse.  I have been trying to drink more water to keep things moving, but coffee tastes better.  

Funny thing about the radiation, you can't see it, but you know it is frying your cells.  I went to my lymphedema therapist after radiation the other day and if you are unfamiliar with people that "feel" energy, then this will be a hard concept to grasp, but the area that had radiation "burned" her hand.  She had to quit working on that side and work around it.  Crazy shit, but also amazing at the same time.  It isn't something that most people could lay their hand on and say "girl, you a hot mama!"... Sometimes I wish I had that sensitivity and sense of feel, and other times, I thank God I don't.  

I was looking at the news this morning and came across a post by a lady that had gone through cancer treatment and had a few choice words about Breast Cancer Awareness... I get it. It is always pink and "save the boobies".  She posted a picture of her breast after radiation.  I am glad I saw it, but wishing I didn't at the same time. 

http://pushinginthepin.tumblr.com/post/63419232790/heres-your-fucking-breast-cancer-awareness

I started crying last night.  I get weekends "off" from radiation and the thought of going back tore a hole in my heart. (This was before I saw the picture) I guess I kind of understand how people feel going to a job that they hate.  Monday's never had that meaning for me until now. I can only imagine it is going to get worse, not better.  The techs are nice. The waiting area sucks balls. I don't know what the fuck they were thinking when they built that. It is like the hallway to Hell with tiny windows that are 7 feet up.  It is like tomb with a television in the middle. I hate televisions in doctor's offices. It is worse than elevator music....well that was a bunch of random shit all stuck into one paragraph.  Welcome to my brain. So Mike had the day off and offered to drive me to my doom today.  He doesn't like to see me cry.  

Still no results from last week's surgery.  I did request them, so maybe I will get them tomorrow.  The incision is healing very well.  It is bruised and still sore, but getting much better.