Surgery Date Scheduled

I have my surgery date scheduled for next Tuesday, April 29. I will be getting a bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction, and I also opted to get my hernia repaired at the same time. I was told that I would probably have to be in the hospital for a couple of days. I am relieved to finally feel like I am moving forward rather than in limbo, but also scared. I am still a little apprehensive about staying in the hospital, maybe I should take down the Mortality Rate Chart for surrounding hospitals that I have taped to my cabinet...
Okay, I am just joking, I don't have it taped to my cabinet, but it is pretty well ingrained in my mind.

I go from being positive and wanting to have everything in order and clean, to being apathetic and wanting to crawl into a very dark place and never come out. I am not sure why I want to clean, must be the obsessive compulsiveness and wanting to make sure everything is in order. It seems as though I am unable to think through a project and get it completed, so at least I can have a clean desk.... kind of...

I keep on coming across the word "Hope". I am guessing that it has a deeper meaning than I am seeing right now.... Like - I HOPE I didn't make any grammatical errors and come across as a complete idiot since I don't seem to be firing on all cylinders at the moment. I also HOPE I don't break anything rollerblading around the island. :) Swimming really is much safer...